Finding His Way Back
by mynextlife
Summary: He was usually so strong and knew what to do, but this situation was not something anyone would have been able to deal with properly.


Draco stood stiffly, looking out the windows of his study, as the two most important people in his life were getting into the car of their best friends. Just before getting in, his wife took one more look at him watching and he finally allowed the angry tears to fall as he clearly saw the deep purple bruise covering half of her face. He had wanted to heal the bruise but she had refused. He turned away, not wanting to watch them leave down the drive, and threw his glass at the far wall.

Sitting in the chair behind his desk, Draco closed his eyes only to be plagued by the scene that had got him to this point. Five years of marriage ruined because he had been trained to never show emotions, keeping everything private, and not knowing how to deal with the bottled up emotions.

Behind his eyelids, Draco was assaulted with the events of the night before. He had come home after drinking heavily at the office and had completely missed dinner. He found his wife cleaning up in the kitchen after having put their daughter to bed.

"_Luna, love, I'm sorry I missed dinner." He watched her tense as he came closer. "I wish you had sent an owl. I was getting worried." He came up behind her, to place a kiss to her neck, but she tensed again and shifted away. That action set him off, something he had been doing a lot since he started drinking._

"_What is the matter? Why are you stepping away from me?" Luna turned her sad blue eyes to him. "Draco, how much have you had to drink?" She had never actually acknowledged his drinking until that night and it made him angrier. The next thing he knew he had back handed her across the face, the sound echoing throughout the kitchen._

_They both looked at each other, stunned he did that. Before Draco could say anything, she fled the kitchen to their bedroom._

Draco opened his eyes and wiped away some of the tears that had begun falling again. He had never hit her before. He had been just as shocked as she had been and had stood in the kitchen a good 30 minutes more trying to figure out what had happened.

Of course he knew what had happened. He had been drinking, everyday getting worse and worse. It had started out as a way to dull the ache in his heart when their son had died about a year ago. He remembers not crying, but burying his deep heart ache and then not knowing how to cope. He was jealous that Luna was able to express her sorrow and then appeared fine about four months later.

He had taken to drinking at the office after hours so that he could be alone to wallow in his sorrow before he headed home. Luna of course knew what was happening, but had never said anything to him before last night. Draco still had no idea why mentioning the drinking had set him off so badly

"_Luna, I'm very sorry. Please forgive me." There was no response, but she turned toward him and buried her head in his chest as she sobbed. "I love you." He whispered to her all night as she cried._

Draco rubbed his hand over his chest, feeling a physical ache in his heart. He had broken his promise to her that he made before they had gotten married. He had seen her cry once, before they were married, when her father had died. She had, of course, been heartbroken and nearly inconsolable. Draco had never wanted to see her like that again. He had promised that he would make her happy and not want to cry. On their wedding day she had cried tears of joy, but she had said that was alright since she was happy.

He hadn't seen tears of sorrow until Scorpius died last year. It had been a complete surprise, the Healers not sure what was going on. Scorpius had felt incredibly tired one day and went to bed with a slight fever. He never got out of bed again.

The fever got worse and they had taken him to St. Mungos. For a week the Healers had run every test available, trying to find out the source of the fatigue and fever. While there, he became sicker, not able to hold down food and his ability to fight off infections declined. After two weeks at St. Mungos, at the age of three, Scorpius died. The original source of the problem was never found.

That was the beginning of the downfall. Draco wondered if Luna was able to pull herself together better because she was home with their daughter, Lyra. She was only 9 months old when her brother died so had no idea why her parents were so sad all the time.

Draco had woke this morning to Luna completely packed and standing in the foyer with Lyra. She explained that she was going to be staying with Harry and Pansy for a while. She didn't need to tell him why, it was quite obvious. He had nodded and then retreated to his study when he heard them arrive.

Draco was brought out of his thoughts to find an owl tapping on his window. He opened it and recognized Pansy's owl, Calypso. She swooped in and dropped a letter on his desk before flying out, obviously not needing a reply right now. Draco slowly opened the letter, dreading what Luna might have to say to him.

_My Darling Draco,_

_I want to first say that I love you very much. Please never doubt that. It hurt terribly to have to leave you, but we both know it was for the best._

_I know that under normal circumstances you would not have hit me. However, things have not been normal for some time and I'm not quite sure how to get back. I understand why you had taken to drinking when Scorpius died, but I wish that you had spoken to me about your feelings. I was going through the same thing._

_I have always relied on you to be the strong one, to get us through any situation, but you seemed incapable to this time. I'm not sure why, but I have a few theories._

_I have given this a lot of thought and in order for Lyra and I to come home, you will need to meet several conditions. You have one month to stop drinking, vowing to never drink again. I do not deserve to be treated that way and our daughter does not need to see you behaving so badly._

_I would like you to see someone about your unexpressed grief over losing Scorpius. You may not have noticed, but I had started seeing someone about four months after he died. I had wanted to talk with you, but you had shut yourself up so tightly._

_Harry or Pansy will be bringing Lyra over to spend the weekends with you. I will not ever deny you your daughter. However, if it appears unsafe for her, they will bring her back to me. Her safety is the most important and there will be no compromises about it._

_At the end of one month, I will return and we can discuss our future. Please know that my future will be bleak if you are not in it as my other half. We are soul mates and my heart is trying to beat its way out of my chest to return to yours. Please do not make the wrong decision._

_Loving you always and forever,_

_Luna_

Once finished, Draco crumpled the letter up in anger. He wasn't angry at Luna, but at himself and all the stupid things he had done. He supposed that if he hadn't been so lost in his grief he would have seen her reaching out to him for help or noticed that she had been going to see someone about her own grief. He had been selfish to think that she could not be as hurt as he was at losing Scorpius.

* * *

><p>Draco paced nervously in the foyer, waiting for Luna to arrive. The past month had been the most difficult in his life, but he was determined to be the best husband and father he could be. He had not touched any alcohol since the night that brought this harsh sentence upon him and he had begun seeing someone to help him deal with the loss of Scorpius.<p>

The hardest part so far had been spending the weekends with Lyra and having to endure facing Harry and Pansy. When Harry brought Lyra over, he was angry and not very talkative. He would glare at Draco, clearly upset that he had hurt one of his dearest friends. When Pansy came over, he was read the riot act and had been threatened to within an inch of his life if he so much as put a toe out of line again. As for Luna, they would only say that she was fine and that she didn't want any contact with him until the month was up.

As a result of the no contact, and on the advice of his counselor, Draco wrote letters to Luna that he held on to, hoping to give them to her today. He had also asked his counselor to write a letter to Luna outlining his progress and what was still needed to be done. Draco was going to ask her to accompany him to a few sessions.

Draco was startled out of his pacing when the front door opened. He held his breath as Luna entered, clearly showing she was just as nervous. Draco hoped that she had believed that he would do everything he could to get back to what they used to have. She hung her coat and then stood fidgeting with her rings, a rarely seen nervous gesture.

"Draco." Draco wanted nothing but to hold her close and tell her everything was going to be alright, but knew he had disappointed her before and didn't want to do it again. "Luna, love. I have lunch ready on the terrace." Draco gestured to the doors and Luna headed toward them. Once she was seated, he began serving them both and then sat, wondering where to begin.

"Luna, I want to thank you for leaving me. It was the best thing you could have done. I knew there was a problem, but I kept thinking that if we didn't talk about it, then maybe it wasn't really there." Draco watched as she continued to eat and listen to what he had to say.

"I have not had any alcohol since you left and have begun seeing a counselor. I would very much like you to attend my next meeting with him." Luna smiled and nodded her head, glad that he had sought out help. "I'm sorry I was not able to help you, but I wasn't sure how to reach you."

Draco shook his head. "It was not your fault, nothing was. I was taught that showing emotion was showing weakness and to keep it to myself. However, holding everything in, especially something as devastating as losing a child, was eating away at me. Instead of talking with you, I turned to alcohol to numb the pain." Luna was surprised to see a tear make its way down Draco cheek.

"I would very much like to show you that I am the man that I should have been to both you and Lyra. I would understand if you didn't want to be with me anymore after what I had done. I, too, believe that we are soul mates and when you left, I felt as though my heart had been ripped out trying to find yours again. I love you. Please give me another chance."

Luna could clearly see the worry in his eyes that she might not take him back. She had hoped he would mend his ways, but she could still feel the sting of his hand on her face. She had desperately wanted to know how he was doing, but had refused to hear anything from Pansy or Harry. Lyra would sometimes say something about him being sad.

"Draco, thank you. You are a wonderful man, I have never doubted that. I would not have married you otherwise. I think that even the best of us are unsure of how to handle every situation. No one is ever prepared to lose their child and we tried to do the best we could. I'm glad you were able to get the help you needed so that we can be a family again. I love you very much."

Luna got up and came and sat on Draco's lap, hugging him tightly. She was surprised to feel her dress wet from him crying. They remained on the terrace, holding each other for several minutes. "Draco, there was also another reason that I desperately wanted you to find your way back to yourself. I'm three months pregnant."

Draco blinked several times, trying to make sure he had heard correctly. "Three months? I love you." He didn't need to ask why she had kept it from him. "I love you. I love you. I love you." He placed a kiss to her after each declaration, thankful.


End file.
